It’s taken me years to come to terms and have the courage to say this and am so proud and happy to say it out aloud these days  – “I am a housewife”! It is a simple statement which many, many women around me have been using for years ( with versions like “home maker” “stay at home mother ” etc. ) and yet , something I was never  comfortable being or acknowledging. Let me explain in a bit of detail .

I am born lucky – I have always found it easy to come up with good grades and be the school prefect, have lots of friends, choose academically and mostly excel at what I do. While I did not graduate top of the class ( far from it actually) for my business management, I did manage to graduate from one of the best institutes in the country. Even with my first job in sales, I got super lucky with wonderful work environment, amazingly cool clients and recognition as a good employee.Motherhood changed me and I took a break from corporate world – only to fall in love with photography . Blessed as I am – I met wonderful creative friends who not only helped me grow as a photographer but also succeed in making a career out of it. So now my life story conversations at parties got even more interesting – I am a graduate from Indian Institute of Management , Bangalore and make my living as a professional photographer. Sounds cool doesn’t it?

Then came 2015 end and the darling depression threatened to take away all my ideas about me. I was no longer the extrovert, fun loving, happy ,social, creative ….the list is endless as I look back now. I still did some assignments as and when I was feeling better ( all thanks to my amazing business partner for his patience and perseverance ) but it wasn’t even a tenth of what I did before. And to add to all that , we shifted from Gurgaon to Bombay — personally euphoric as it’s my favourite city but professionally devastated as I knew I had to start the business all over again and this time , alone.

The last one year I have not been paid for a single assignment – only because I haven’t gone out looking for work. I am just not that sales woman I used to be and am definitely not creatively confident anymore to take on commitments. Adding to that, I am still settling down with new school and maids and life this city. And yet when I meet someone new ( though that’s a rare thing for me to do now), I still introduce myself as a photographer!

Recently when I got chatting with a couple of people who live in the vicinity, I happily said I am a housewife. And it felt so very good – the joy of accepting myself for who I am and not hiding behind some institute’s name or the glamour of a creative profession. I might get back to professional commercial work next week or next year  – but as of today, I am just the happy daughter/wife/mother cooking interesting meals to ensure the health of the  family, spending the day running errands and keeping the house looking like the home we love, reading romances,  talking to my zillion plant babies ( that’s topic for another post) and meditating for as much time I can! Self awareness and acceptance is a slow process for me but I am happy the way am headed. I recently put up a dp on whatsapp flaunting a nose ring I love – and I didn’t even notice how flawed my skin looked in that pic till someone pointed out. I have never been more in love with myself and am grateful. As for mental health status – TM and anti depressants seem to have saved me since March – I am keeping my fingers crossed!