I am someone who has travelled alone ( without family ) to various places within India and to different exotic destinations in different continents. It has been tough to accept the anxiousness and depths of fear which travel brings for me post 2015, especially air travel. I have come a long way though – and able to travel to Europe and within the country with my family . As you can guess, it has been effecting the work opportunities – my work demands a fair amount of being on client site and thus means I turn down ALL work offers. Yes, I have tried being brave and booked flights and woken up in the morning all ready – only to cancel the trip last minute ( even with Bombay – Delhi- just 2 hours flights-  I have cancelled 4 times in the last one year).

The reason I am rambling? I am in an aircraft tright now ! And I don’t have Dad or husband to hold my hand if I get a panic attack and yet I could make this short trip to Delhi happen. It would have been an insignificant detail a couple of years back. But right now-it has been an amazing leap towards “being normal” and I am so so excited. I do have my 10 year old to take care of me ( he is an angel you know) – but the point is that I now believe I can fly! And of course I can touch the sky.

I had a super tough April and part May – things were bad enough to make me want to restart the anti depressants . Hopeless and anxious – these two word pretty much described my everyday condition.Thankfully that phase passed and I have lots and lots of wonderful things to be grateful for :

1.I went to Rome and Florence ( involved taking a flight and did have one tiny panic attack) – I had the most wonderful time and my eyes saw amazing sights – the works of renaissance artists in Rome and Florence and the work of God in the Valley of Orcia in Tuscany ( I have NEVER seen such a beautiful magic land – it’s almost like you have jumped into a windows wallpaper of rolling hills and blue skies).

2.I was able to capture images while in Bombay and in Italy – and I love some of them. As you might  know ,  the first thing depression did was to make me forget how to use my camera ( I would freeze holding my DSLR and not know how to shoot or frame images). I have been able to take out time for going for walks at 5:30am and explore the cities a photographer – and I am grateful for the joy these efforts bring to me.

3.I have been going through a lack-of-househelp phase since May.Though it has left me exhausted and frustrated sometimes, I have managed to keep the home clean, cook food ( learnt some interesting one-pot meals on Pintrest, did laundry mindfully ( am often humming while ironing) – and that makes me feel happy and gives a sense of achievement.And the best part? My 10 year old has not only helped me in the chores, he has become an expert at scrubbing tough stains off the ookware and fold laundry.I am blessed to see him do basic house hold chores without any help!

4.As a family – we have been spending more time together.I am grateful for all the joys the borad games have been bringing us – UNO,Chess,Forbidden,Monopoly and so many more.

5.In the last 30 days, I have had the chance to spend time with people I love – I am grateful for visits from my nephew and nieces and friends. And the fact that I made a last minute trip to Gurgaon and everyone took out time for me.

6.I live in a city I love.And right now I am experiencing my favorite season – the mad mosoons. I get to enjoy it sitting in my balcony watching the non stop downpours and also stuck in traffic in waterlogged roads everyday on the way for school drops and picks.And I am grateful I enjoy it. I am blessed with unlimited patience and love when it comes to life in Bombay and the torrential rains do not stop me from going out for errands, runs, drives to marine drive to enjoy the sea during rains.

7.I see the photographer in me healing and becoming better than ever before. I just finished a two day workshop teaching photography  and I was thrilled with the feedback from participants . I see my travel images/ portraits and client work – I am healed.

The list is endless. All I can say is THANK YOU GOD!