This morning has been weird – and 2 years ago I would have had a good laugh if someone shared an anecdote like this. But truth be told, I am a new person after 14 months of chasing happiness while surrounded by the dark clouds of depression. This new me has magical powers of pausing anytime in the middle of a busy day and get all philosophical! It’s a lot of fun too.
So here’s what happened. I have somehow never bothered to write an “artist bio” for my website and other uses. I have lazily managed to scribble some words to fill the space for such requests. This morning I decided to update my website and also write the bio with time and effort. As usual, went to google to understand the best practices for the same and was impressed with the vast set of guidelines to follow. Finally, I started writing the first draft and was quite impressed with the output. Reading it aloud to myself, I suddenly stopped and realised it was written in the third person ( apparently most suggested that). This then turned into a completely different exercise in the following one hour.
Let me elaborate. I was reading sentences like “ As a naturally creative, Shilpi has always enjoyed taking pictures and has grown up watching her father and brother disappear for hours in the darkroom to develop prints at home.” Obviously, my mind immediately searching for and remembering memories of seeing my family busy with their pursuits of photography 30 years back.In that split second, I saw the 10-year-old version of me, sitting at the dining table and waiting for my brother to show me the results of his dark room exploits ( I was somehow not allowed inside ).
And then it struck me – if Shilpi is this little girl, then who am I? If I am now looking at the grown up Shilpi, then who am “I”? If I am able to think about myself in the third person, look at myself in the mirror and think about myself still in the third person, watch my thoughts and still go deeper, then who am I? What is the point where I can just not use the third person anymore because then it’s finally me – the I that I am searching for.
I am honestly not sure if I have been able to communicate the deep churning and introspection the “artist bio” caused in me but I am hoping you get the drift! And yes, I will share when I do find “I”. Till then, Shilpi says Thank you for reading!